The most common misconception about fingering, is that the giver assumes the "in-out" action is pleasurable. The most pleasant sensation is derived from applying pressure to the vaginal walls; particularly the G-spot. Ask any woman if she'd prefer her lover to have a moderately thick cock, or a long thin one. 99.9% of the time, she'll opt for Stubby. (If we wanted our cervix poked, we'd go to the gyno.)
In fact, the in-out motion of a finger can become more irritating than anything. The vaginal lips are pretty sensitive, and repeat friction begins to chafe. Yes, really.
Of course, fingering should occur after sufficient foreplay. There's nothing worse than some moron shoving his pointer finger up your dry pussy and poking you into submission. So guys, when your hands wander between her legs and you realize that there's more moisture in the Sahara, take the hint.
Ok! She's wet! She's squirming! What now??
The typical woman prefers to be penetrated with 2 fingers. One is not enough (unless she is a virgin, or otherwise very tiny down there) and three is too much. Of course, use your discretion and listen to her response. You should be able to tell the difference between an uncomfortable-moan and a pleasure-moan. And if you cant, you should not be having sex.
Slide your fingers slowly between her lips, and let yourself explore a little bit to find your bearings. If she is aroused, you should be able to feel a rough, spongy spot on the roof of her vaginal wall. Push on it. (Yes) You should be moving your fingers in a "come here" type of motion. Check your partners response to different pressures, and adjust to what makes her squeal.
Inexperienced women might relate this new sensation to having to pee. Reassure her that she wont, unless of course she guzzled a 12 pack before you got intimate.
Do not bother moving your finger in and out to simulate sex. She will most likely be in absolute erotic bliss just by having her g-spot pressed. Change the pace of the 'pressing' and note her reaction. Does she want it fast and hard or slow and easy? If you cant tell, ask her. We'd prefer to hear our lover say, "How do you want it, baby?" than lay there unsatisfied and frustrated. Think about hand jobs and how annoying it is when you're being stroked slowly and delicately when you really want to be pumped like a SuperSoaker. See my point?
If you really want to get fancy, place your thumb on her clit while you press her g-spot. Even just letting it rest there feels good. The clit is that little pink bump at the top of her pussy. Believe it or not, that would have turned into a penis had she a Y-chromosome.
Your girl wont cum from this, but who cares? Most of the other women I've talked to agree with me when I say the shocking "flickers" of intense pleasure they experience are better than an orgasm anyway. The only problem is that there is no release at the end. But really, it's sexy, erotic and safe...and a great prelude to other activities that CAN bring her to orgasm, if that's what she craves...
Of course some young women enjoy being fingered but generally speaking, many females do not get an incredible amount of pleasure from penetration (putting a finger inside the vagina). We are not sure exactly what your partner would enjoy but we would guess that she would be more pleasured if you stimulated (messaged and rubbed) her clitoris since the majority of women orgasm from stimulation of the clitoris.
There are many books and pictures that illustrate exactly where the clitoris is located. If she was on her back with her legs spread her clitoris would be between her legs at the top where her labia meet in what looks like a small hood. There is a technique where you could slide your finger over her clitoris as you insert it into her vagina. On the howtohavegoodsex website there are some Sex Tips about the clitoris and orgasm that may be able to help you out.
If you feel comfortable you may ask her to let you watch her masturbate or masturbate together so that you may observe what she enjoys and how she gets off. The best way to know how to pleasure someone is to ask. If you can not talk about the things that you are doing with her you may not be ready to do those things. Communication is always an incredibly important component of any relationship.
In research we have seen that the vast majority of people are very relieved when their partners bring up sexual histories and issues around sexuality (89% report they would be glad if their partner brought the subject up; 87% said they would feel respected; 86% reported they would feel relieved; and 84% reported they would feel cared for). In other words most people want to talk about sexual issues with their partner but are hoping that the other person brings it up!
Since the majority of women are unable to achieve orgasm solely with vaginal stimulation (for instance, in penis-vagina intercourse), understanding the clitoris is often the key to orgasm and sexual satisfaction in women of all sexual orientations.
Every woman likes different types of clitoral stimulation, and the only way to determine what you or your female partner enjoys is to experiment. If your partner is female, ask her what she enjoys. However, she might not know yet, so this is a great opportunity to experiment.
Some women like direct stimulation: touching the clitoris with your finger, tongue, or a vibrator. Some women only like indirect stimulation: touching the area around the clitoris or touching the clitoris covered by the clitoral hood, a small bit of flesh comparable to a man's penis foreskin.
Some women like a light touch. Some women like a firmer touch. Some women like slow clitoral stimulation. Some women like very fast clitoral stimulation in the form of fast tongue licks or the fast vibrations of a vibrator. Some women like additional vaginal stimulation, but others find it irritating and prefer focusing on the clitoris. Some like to start slow and increase speed when approaching orgasm. There are infinite variations that women enjoy, so try lots of techniques.
If you are playing with your partner's clitoris, ask her what she likes and be prepared to listen to what she says. It's a very sensitive area, so if she says that she needs you to press less firmly or go slower, do what she says and make her very happy ... or else it may cause pain. In time, with experimentation and communication, you will learn how to make her very very happy.
Masturbation Tips for Women
A: Masturbation is just touching yourself in any way that feels good, and since everybody's a little different, you must experiment to know what feels good for you. However, we can still recommend some common methods.
You've probably noticed yourself getting hot at certain times when you weren't trying. What was going on right before that happened? Maybe you were doing some physical movement, and your body just felt good and healthy. Notice the sensitive parts of your body?
Your nipples may have liked the way your blouse or the sheets of your bed rub against them. Cotton panties might feel better rubbing against your clitoris than panties made of synthetic blends.
What about your moods? Many people I know like to masturbate as a way of relieving tension, so they often get hot when they're feeling anxious, or have an excess of energy. On the other hand, other people often get hot when they're relaxed and feeling good.
Take a hand mirror, and examine your genitals. Notice your folds of skin, your outer and inner labia, and up at the top, your clitoral hood. Interesting stuff, yes?
Pull back your clitoral hood and check out your clitoris. Now, whenever you feel like the moment is right, lick your fingers and start exploring. What feels yummy?
A lot of people ask us if direct clitoral stimulation is a good or bad thing. Many women find that at first you'll prefer indirect stimulation, and then as you get hotter, may or may not enjoy direct stimulation. The only way to know is to try it out. Start just exploring the lips and folds of skin, then see what happens when you apply moving pressure up and down the channels on either side of your clitoral hood. Now stroke your clitoral hood, putting pressure on it to indirectly stimulate your clitoris.
Is your vagina producing its own lubricant yet? If not, you might either lick your fingers or apply some lube (You can buy commercial lubricant any pharmacy near the condoms).
If your vagina producing its own lubricant yet, taste your fingers. How does your natural lubricant taste? Does it make you hot to taste it or not?
What would happen if you stopped focusing on your genitals and started rubbing your nipples now? This is especially a good idea if you're feeling over stimulated at any point. What about your toes or your thighs or your lips?
And don't forget your butt! Your anal opening has lots of nerve endings and is very sensitive. Lots of people like being stimulated here, but use some caution -- you can take your fingers out of your pussy and insert them in your anus, but you can't take your fingers out of your anus and them insert them in your pussy! You'll get a yeast infection or urinary tract infection (UTI) if you do. The reason is, there all kinds of bacteria that's normally in your butt that shouldn't get into your vagina. Some folks will therefore put a condom, a "finger cot" (a finger condom), or latex gloves on their fingers before their anal stimulation, and then take it off before their vaginal stimulation with that hand. Or, use one hand for your butt and one hand for your vagina, as long as you don't confuse them...or touch your hands together.
If you're like most women, you'll eventually want to bring your attention back to your vagina as you find yourself becoming very aroused. You'll get into a rhythm that feels really good, and notice that a certain pressure, at a certain angle, on a certain set of specific points on your pussy produce the exact feeling you like best. Take your time and feel the energy rise in your body.
Are you building an expectation to cum now? Don't. Build an expectation of feeling good. You're learning now, and may or may not have your "big O" (orgasm) this time. And focusing on that specific goal can distract from your pleasure and make you inappropriately feel like a failure if you miss that goal.
Practice makes perfect, and the first time or the fifth time or the twentieth time you do this you'll probably cum. After that, your goal will be to replicate the experience by working your body the same way. After you do that, try making yourself cum by working your body a different way.
Don't forget toys! Many women like to insert other objects into their pussies or use vibrators to make themselves feel great. You can buy dildos (roughly penis-shaped objects to insert inside you) of various shapes and sizes, and some of them vibrate as well. Also very popular is the non-inserting kind of powerful vibrator found at many non-sex stores. For instance, the Hitachi Magic Wand is a popular "external" vibrator used by women all over the world. Note that plug-in vibrators tend to be more powerful vibration...and more reliably built...than battery-powered vibrators.
Soon you'll be ready to teach your partner the yummy new tricks you've learned! But remember this is just the beginning! It takes years of patience, hard work and study, so practice, practice, practice!
How do you perform oral sex on a woman?
A: With enthusiasm! Seriously, enthusiasm is one of the most important components here, and I'll list them all one by one.
1) Basic anatomy. If you were to hold your hands together, as if in prayer, you'd have a good model of a woman's genitals. Your thumbs would represent the vaginal opening and, right where the tips of your thumbs are, that's where you'd find the clitoris hidden under the clitoral hood.
2) General Pleasures. Now that you have the basic anatomy (and many women need the anatomy lesson as much as men), here are some general guidelines about what many women like.
While the clitoris is the point of exquisite ecstasy for many women, most don't seem to want you to dive right for it. Teasing is often the most enjoyable option. You may wish to start out gently kissing her inner thighs, and continue your explorations from there slowly toward the center of her sexual universe. Once near the vaginal opening, many women appreciate some licking in similar to French kissing.
Licks should be soft and yet firm at the same time. Any explorations you make in this realm should be gentle, so as not to make your lover recoil, yet firm enough to show your unique personality.
3) Clitoris Attention. Continuing your exploration northward, you will find yourself at the clitoris, and here is where you will find many of the unique preferences in your individual lovers. Some women will now find that direct stimulation of her clitoris is now nirvana. Others will find this too much and prefer indirect stimulation of the clitoris. You can accomplish this by stroking your tongue through the channels on either side of her clitoral hood, applying pressure through the hood and onto the clitoris. Still other women will prefer you to suck on the clitoral hood for stimulation and, as you might imagine, many women prefer a combination of all the above techniques.
4) Communication. Communication is often the beginning and the end of a successfull sexual relationship, and that includes oral sex. Selecting the correct technique is simply a matter of getting feedback from your partner. This can be difficult sometimes because some women don't know what feels good, and some of them find it awkward to talk about. It's always good to use your knowledge of your partner to know when and how to request this feedback.
This feedback can come in various other ways also...
For instance, if you follow the techniques listed above, you may find your lover digging her fingernails into your scalp wantonly and begging for more. This is excellent feedback. In this case, you might choose to wait until after your lovemaking and then at some point ask, "So, what did you like about that?"
Or you may also request feedback as you go along. For instance, you can tease a woman, occasionally slowing (or stopping) and mischievously ask her for what she wants as you're playing. This might be useful for women who are not good at communicating.
If you partner wants to give feedback but has difficulty being verbal during sex, you can beg your partner to make "good happy moaning sex sounds" when she feels something particularly good. That way you can just experiment and then follow where the sounds lead you.
5) Safer Sex. This is often controversial when discussing cunnilingus (eating pussy). It is certainly possible to get a sexually transmitted disease (STD) through unprotected cunnilingus, but it is less dangerous than fellatio (oral sex on a guy). For instance, if you were trying to become HIV positive, and solely used cunnilingus to reach your goal, you'd probably go your whole life without success. But there are other diseases like herpes and gonorrhea that you might catch.
So the reason we say "Safer Sex", is to recognize that there is no clear dividing line between "safe" and "unsafe" acts. Rather, there is a continuum, with extremely safe things at one end, such as fantasy, and extremely unsafe things at the other, such as blood play and unprotected penis/anus sex.
It is therefore a matter for every sexual person to make an informed decision as to where along this continuum to to draw his or her personal line. In other words, before you have sex, you and your partner should decide, "We will be very safe in these areas, and not really worry too much about those areas."
If you decide to practice safer sex with cunnilingus, here's what you do: ignore the small specially-designed-for-cunnilingus dental dams. Instead, either buy the larger latex sheets available for this purpose in some larger sex stores, or get some plastic food wrap (such as Saran Wrap) and tear off a long sheet. Put some water based lube on your fingers, rub it around in your hand to warm it up, then apply it to your partner's pussy. Next, wrap the plastic wrap lengthwise between her legs. For instance, if she's on her back, put one end under her butt and wrap it up over her pussy and onto her tummy. Pussy licking can be great this way if you can get used to the sound of the plastic wrap.
Some Facts on Female Orgasm
Let's face it, ladies good things really do come to those who wait. Think about that rich, tasty dessert that wraps up a good meal. Or the explosive grand finale at the end of the fireworks show on the Fourth of July.
Well, there's another type of happy ending: the female orgasm. Also called "coming," climaxing, or having a "big O," an orgasm is often the pleasurable climax during sexual activity.
What is an orgasm? It's defined as the peak of sexual arousal when all the muscles that were tightened during sexual arousal relax, causing a very pleasurable feeling that may involve the whole body. During orgasm, many women's heart rates skyrocket, their breathing quickens, and their blood pressure rates increase; muscles throughout their bodies spasm, but mostly those in the vagina, uterus, anus, and pelvic floor.
Sound dangerous? It isn't. In fact, most women who have had an orgasm will tell you that it's quite nice.
To put it mildly, orgasms feel good. During orgasm, chemicals called endorphins are released into the bloodstream. They cause pleasant sensations to ripple through the body, but they also make many women feel happy, giddy, flushed, warm, or sleepy.
So, how do women have orgasms?
For starters, almost any type of sexual stimulation can lead to orgasm. A woman can have an orgasm through intercourse, oral sex, or anal sex; manual stimulation of the vulva by her partner; body rubbing ("dry humping"); or masturbation. Some women can even have orgasms just by touching their breasts or by fantasizing about sex!
For many women, the contact has to be much more direct right on the genitals and in a regular, rhythmic pattern. Stimulation of two major parts of the genitals can cause a woman to have an orgasm: the clitoris (which is a part of the vulva) and the vagina. A woman can have an orgasm through stimulation of just her clitoris, just her vagina, or both. But most women have orgasms through stimulation of the clitoris.
Although some researchers believe there is just one type of female orgasm, others believe that stimulation of these two parts of the genitals can cause different types of orgasm. During a clitoral orgasm, the vagina becomes longer; it causes a pocket to be formed beneath the uterus. During a vaginal orgasm, the uterus drops lower and shortens the vagina. Stimulation of both the vagina and clitoris can cause a blended orgasm, the third type of orgasm. All these orgasms may feel different from each other.
Here's some more information about vaginal orgasms: there is a particular place inside the vagina called the G-spot (short for the Grafenberg spot, named after the researcher who "discovered" it), a small bunch of nerves, about the size of a quarter, that's located about an inch or two inside the vagina on the side closest to the navel. It can become extremely sensitive during sex play. And the G-spot can swell, which may make it easier to find.
Sometimes during stimulation of the G-spot, a clear fluid will spurt out of the urethra. In some women, the fluid is similar to urine but it's not urine. But in others, the fluid is similar to that produced by the prostate gland in men that makes up the liquid portion of semen. Yes, it's true about 10 percent of women can actually ejaculate!
Most women will have one orgasm, and then they'll need to take a long break stop or reduce sex play before the next one. But some women can have several in a row they can have multiple orgasms.
Many women about one out of three have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex with a partner. Most women experience orgasm through clitoral stimulation rather than through vaginal penetration. So if a woman is having difficulty reaching orgasm, she may want to try clitoral stimulation during, before, or after vaginal intercourse and oral sex to have an orgasm. Keep in mind, every woman's body responds differently to various kinds of sex play. Each woman has different preferences for the ways in which her clitoris is stimulated.
Most women who reach orgasm with a partner have also experienced an orgasm from masturbation. Women who have never had an orgasm may want to try to masturbate and learn what pleases them. It may take some time, but practice makes perfect.
So, now that you're an expert on orgasms, spread the word. The more women and their partners know about orgasms, the easier it will be to have one. Enjoy!