Intellegent Dating
I recently attended the annual "The Farm" Fall Festival in Summertown, Tennessee. The Farm is one of the oldest continuing experiments in community living in the United States (i.e. 300 San Francisco hippies moved to Tennessee in 1971, started a community owned farm, and it's still in operation today.). Anyway... prior to attending the Fall Festival at The Farm, I'd noticed the schedule of events listed a rather ominous sounding workshop. The workshop was entitled “Intelligent Dating.”
Intelligent Dating? Isn't that an oxymoron? For some strange reason, I think intelligent dating may be against the "rules" of dating. It's never happened to me, and at this seriously late date I doubt it's ever going to happen. As for the workshop... not that I was planning on attending a workshop entitled "Intelligent Dating," but I decided to keep one eye peeled to see who might show up for such a workshop. The friend I was with (who was, also, apparently watching the door) swears the workshop was canceled due to “lack of attendance.”
Eros
The Greek god of love, Eros, has been literally sweeping people off their feet for thousands of years. Dating and the subsequent phenomenon of falling in love has always been known as an irrational, inexplicable experience. Falling in love is almost always inconvenient, and it often happens at the most illogical, (seemingly) least likely, and unexpected moments in our lives. Of course, the glorious, heartfelt ecstasies and highs of falling in love are then quite often followed by subsequent emotional pain, heartbreak, and destructive events (such as the breakups of marriages and families). After all, they don't call it “falling” for nothing.
The closest thing Western society has experienced in relation to "intelligent dating" was back in the days when our parents did the matchmaking for us. And mind you, I'm not looking for (or calling for) a revival of that particular practice any time soon.
For as long as there has been a "thing called love" – people have been attempting to tame the passions of the wily beast. These days, we "modern" folks have adopted the cultural myth that we can somehow surgically remove all of love's more deleterious effects – making it more manageable – by renaming it with cold, clinical, psychological labels. One of the current "in vogue" labels is the term "codependency."
Codependency?
Every time I hear the word "codependency," I can't help but think of the "Saturday Night Live" parody with Stuart Smalley (Al Franken). Each week, Stuart peered into his mirror and reminded himself (and all his SNL viewers): "You're Good Enough, You're Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like You!"
Since its humble beginnings as Alcoholics Anonymous – and its subsequent evolution into the many different successful 12 step programs – 12 step programs have been a wonderful boon and lifesaver for many!
At the same time, how many people in our “quick fix,” "pop a pill and feel better" world – experiencing the initial emotionally, gut wrenching heartbreak and pain of an unfaithful and/or abandoning lover – immediately head for the closest codependency group in the futile attempt to dull the pain. The good news is – that if those people stick around long enough – they'll hear a rather novel approach to the emotional pain they're experiencing…
Honoring The Pain
Masking and/or dulling the pain seems to be our society's unspoken creed… we dull our pain (physical and/or psychological) at any cost. In fact, 12 step programs came into existence, precisely because of the increased awareness of our tendency to dull the pain of a spiritual void through alcohol, drugs, shopping, eating, exercising, sex, sporting events, and (yes) dating and falling in love.
Honor the pain? We honor our pain by facing up to our pain. All pain, whether it be physical and/or psychological in origin, plays a vitally important function in our lives. Our pain tells us something is broken and needs to get fixed. Honoring and facing our pain can provide us with clues as to what might be wrong and what we may need for healing. Mask the pain... and we can never get at the core of the wound for purposes of healing.
Astrology?
Okay... okay... now that I've gotten you way too serious, morose, and wistfully thinking about that heartless lover who left you in a lurch (you know the one I'm talking about, don't you)... Let's lighten things up a wee bit and explore the possibilities of "Intelligent Dating" through the ancient lens of astrology. This is an astrology & dating site, after all.