If you answer yes to any of the questions below, you could be in an abusive relationship, or your relationship could become abusive.

do you feel nervous around him?

do you have to be careful to control your behaviour to avoid his anger

do you feel pressured by him when it comes to sex?

are you scared of disagreeing with him?

does he criticise you, or humiliate you in front of other people?

is he always checking up or questioning you about what you do without him?

does he repeatedly and wrongly accuse you of seeing other guys?

does he tell you that if you changed he wouldn't abuse you?

does his jealousy stop you from seeing friends or family?

does he make you feel like you are wrong, stupid, crazy, or inadequate?

has he ever scared you with violence or threatening behaviour?

do you often do things to please him, rather than to please yourself?

does he prevent you from going out or doing things you want to do?

do you feel that, with him, nothing you do is ever good enough?

does he say that he will kill or hurt himself if you break up with him?

does he make excuses for his abusive behaviour by saying it's because of alcohol or drugs or because he can't control his temper, or that he was 'just joking'?


You might have answered 'yes' to some of these questions, but still think 'it's not that bad'. But feeling scared, humiliated, pressured or controlled is not the way you should feel in a relationship. You should feel loved, respected, and free to be yourself. Your feelings and safety are important.

Abusers will often make you feel like you are to blame for their behaviour. You might think that if you try and change to be more like what he wants you to be, then the abuse will stop. But in a relationship, you should be able to feel ok just being yourself and doing what you want to do. What about what you want for yourself?

If you are in an abusive relationship, it is likely to get worse over time. But you can't make your boyfriend change his behaviour. He is the one who has to change his attitude and accept responsibility for abusing you, and not make excuses for his behaviour. If this does not happen and you want the violence to stop, then unfortunately, leaving him might be your only choice.

It's not your fault if you are being abused. You deserve to be treated with respect.