Rejected Penthouse Letters

Dear Penthouse Letters,

My friend and I walked into a total lesbian bar the other night. We had no idea, but when we opened the door, there were all these scalding hot hotties. And they were all over each other! Man, I began to throb, let me tell you! So my friend turns to me and says "I bet these chicks just need a real man. They'd probably be all over us if we let them." He's a pretty smart guy, so I figured he was probably right. So I walk into the middle of the bar, get the attention of every hottie in the room (not difficult, it was pretty obvious they were into me, just like my friend said they'd be) and said "Hey girls! I know you guys think you're dykes and all, but I bet you'd love to have a real man! Who's up for it?"

Two months later, when I got out of traction, my friend told me he's pretty sure one or two of them really did seem interested in hitting on me, as opposed to just hitting me in the face. Too bad the other 40 or 50 dykes were so uppity about it. I might have had a threesome!!!

Almost Fully Healed, Bismark, ND