Rejected Penthouse Letters

Dear Penthouse Forum,

I had the hottest sexual experience of my life last Friday night while I was reading your magazine. I was stroking it to the tune of Miss April, 1998. Is she hot! I'd describe her to you, but you already have the pictures. Anyway, I was imagining myself doing her up the back door while she used that ice dildo she was using on the second page of photos. Then I thought, what if that ice dildo were to touch my balls? It would be so cold! Frankly, I was starting to lose my woody, so I switched the dildo in my fantasy to the first other kind of dildo I could imagine. Just my luck, what I came up with was a fire dildo. I guess on account of how fire is like the opposite of ice. So this is even worse, I got fire burning my balls off! Then I get to wondering how they'd even make a dildo out of fire. I mean, if you weren't the devil or a perverted magician or something and could just shape a dildo out of fire. You'd have to have some flame-proof material for the actual dildo, and coat it with some of that flame gel like they use in flame throwers or those special suits those guys use to light themselves on fire for the movies.

Well, now I'm really starting to lose wood, so I just dropped Miss April entirely and flipped back to Candy, your third spread in the April '98 issue. No dildos there, flaming, freezing or covered with broken glass (I flashed on that for a second, and it didn't help the whole situation a bit) or anything. Just basic porn for your pleasure! I was back up to speed and I promptly blew a first class, rich creamy load!

Sign me
Blown-loaded in Boston

P.S. Just writing this letter got me so horny I had to jerk it again. I have now blown two loads, although this second one was more a second class, thin, runny load. Thanks again!