Until quite recently, male poets have dominated this genre. Too many of the erotic poems I found in the classic texts tended to repeat themes of objectifying, adoring, or controlling females. The Kama Sutra, one of the classic Eastern love texts, speaks repeatedly of intimate relations between "the girl" and "the man". In a chapter entitled "Creating Confidence in the Girl", the text advises the man whose young lover is reluctant: 

"...if she would not yield to him he should frighten her by saying 'I shall impress marks of my teeth and nails on your lips and breasts...'"

Classic Western love poems are generally less graphically direct, but often just as offensive to my ethic of healthy intimacy. They perpetuated the cultural norms of their day, especially the belief that a woman's personal sexual experience was irrelevant; her pleasure would come in being a submissive vehicle for satisfying a man's sexual desires. In "The Jewels," the French poet Charles Baudelaire writes:

My well-beloved was stripped. Knowing my whim
She wore her tinkling gems, but naught besides;
And showed such pride as, while her luck betides,
A sultan's favoured slave may show to him.

Sometimes I found a poem that seemed to honor the importance of mutuality in intimacy. But then I would hear something in it that echoed back to an imbalance of power. In "Invitation to the Voyage" Baudelaire begins to weave more appropriate imagery about making time to savor sexual pleasure:

       Imagine the magic 
       of living together 
there, with all the time in the world 
       for loving each other,..

But within a few lines, he refers to his lover as "my sister, my child". I shuddered to think how survivors of incest and rape would respond to the specific images I was finding, and how all of us would hear the wrong message reinforced, if I were to return to these poets for inspiration. I felt disillusioned that the traditional "love" poets whose works I had enjoyed 25 years ago, when I studied poetry in college, were reinforcing relationship dynamics that prevent mutually rewarding sexual love and intimacy. However lyrical or sensuous the language sounds, love poetry of the past lacks a foundation of equality between two partners. Without this framework, even the most beautiful poem fails to evoke relationships built on mutual caring, with both partners active participants in loving.

Even though my initial efforts to find sex-positive imagery uncovered only a handful of appropriate works, this step in my search was important. It got me reading and appreciating poetry.

Poetry speaks a universal language

Unlike longer prose, which tends to relate more specifically to a character, poems evoke images that resonate for each of us, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. With a few spare lines of text, they capture a world of experience. We don't need an advanced degree in literature to appreciate the meaning of a well-written poem. The words speak right to our heart. The poet's metaphors connect our actions as humans with the larger life forces in nature. And they focus on the momentary glimpses we gain through experience. Because sex itself is a momentary but profound experience, poetry is a perfect medium for exploring the meaning, mystery, and beauty of sex.

My search into contemporary poetry brought personal satisfaction and rich rewards. I began to discover that today's poets are very interested in helping to explain and explore sexual love. For the general reader, the words are understandable. For the reader with a deeper background in literature, the poems bring together some well-known contemporary poets, and some newer voices. Together, their combined perspectives deeply penetrate the mystery of sex.

Listen to Molly Peacock, in "The Purr," searching for new words to describe the same mystery that D. H. Lawrence could not solve:

. . . The mysterious thrum
that science can't yet explain awakes a hum 
in me, the sound something numb come alive makes.

And poet Sharon Olds gives new meaning to familiar words as she describes "making love" in her poem, "The Knowing":

. . . For an hour 
we wake and doze, and slowly I know 
that though we are sated, though we are hardly 
touching, this is the coming the other 
brought us to the edge of -- we are entering, 
deeper and deeper, gaze by gaze, 
this place beyond the other places, 
beyond the body itself, we are making 
love.

Sex: Momentary & Transcendent

Sex is momentary, and sex is transcendent. That's the paradox. The most intense physical sharing we experience with another person is gone in a matter of minutes. And yet, it connects us with a larger energy, a life force. Real, authentic intimacy leaves behind an inner glow that warms every aspect of our lives. Sex reminds us of our limitations and our expansiveness as humans. We are alone, and we are together.

Terra Hunter captures this duality beautifully in her poem "Wanting You," as she writes:

How is it that our two bodies 
made only of flesh and bone
ignite with this fire 
yet do not burn?

How is it that this cannot last 
will disappear into the ether 
as our bones will turn to dust 
and disappear into the earth?

Sexual love is connection, not only with one's partner, but with the elemental beauty of life on earth. Often, when the poets in this collection describe the sensual and transcendental aspects of sex, they use metaphors from nature. A lover's touch becomes the summer heat moving through a canyon. A climax becomes the deepening red colors in a sunset. An embrace becomes the soft inside petals of a flower. 

The poets reminded me that some of the best images to represent the experience of sexual love are to be found in the natural world. Healthy sexual expression is a natural aspect of life. Tuning into life's natural beauty can stimulate our senses and enhance sexual awareness and enjoyment.