Is your Current Flame a Keeper... or a Tosser?

Last night I was home, yakking on the phone, when a girlfriend of mine showed up at my door in tears. She'd had a fight with her live-in boyfriend, and said that this time it was over. For good. Finite. Of course I'd heard this before, and have gone through the same thing in the past in some form or another. I would try to convince myself that since I loved the guy, that I would stay and put up with so much crap, not listening to that little voice in my head, or not to mention all of my close friends, who all seemed to see what I couldn't. Or... couldn't see what I could.

Letting go is tough, almost to the point that many people would choose to stay in a relationship where they aren't loved and respected the way they would wish, for fear of being alone, starting over, and/or losing that familiarity that they've grown so used to.

Of course we all know that time heals our wounds, and when we look back, we can't even begin to imagine what we were thinking at the time. How could we have put up with such nonsense, when the new person in our lives treats us so much better? So this experience last night has prompted me to ask the question, just how can you tell if the guy you are dating is right for you? I've listed what I could conjure up, inspired by my current fabulous boyfriend, and will welcome your comments as well, which will all be posted.

UPDATE: Due to the overwhelming response to this feature, I've added the next batch of readers responses. The tossers page makes me want to cry, and the keepers page makes me proud of all the stand up guys and gals out there. Proof positive that our actions in relationships are appreciated. Let me emphasise that this article was initially written for all the women out there who are unsure of their relationships, and who might need to see how good they have it, or how badly they are being treated. This piece was not intended to male bash, but it was specifically designed for women to tell us about their relationships, good or bad. I find this subject fascinating, obviously, and believe that every couple represents a new and different dynamic. Does yours really work? Below, Men and Women alike get a chance to tell us about their own tossers and keepers...

I also caught some flack for posting stuff from my personal life. Well, I think if you're going to write about something, write about things that have really happened to you. I contributed only 100% true facts...



He's a Keeper if:

You tell his Mother that he's the guy you've been searching for all of your life, and he tells you how touched he is to hear that.

You slip up and say 'our future dream home' instead of your future dream house, and he grabs you and kisses you.

He asks to meet your parents. Of his own free will. And they love him.

He tells you that you look beautiful at the exact moment when you think you look like you've been kidnapped by a pack of rabid squirrels and left for dead in Death Valley.

He lets you taste everything first.

He leaves his things at your place all the time, feeling comforted knowing that a part of him is still with you.

He's at the airport waiting to pick you up at the gate, with a big smile on his face.

He celebrates the anniversary of every month of the day you met.

He calls you on the nights he isn't out with you, he makes dates ahead of time, respecting your schedule. He emails you throughout the day.

He has no interest in other women who would normally attract him.

He always needs to touch some part of you. He's affectionate.

He's booked dates with you into the next year, including major holidays.

He loves every little thing you do, and is constantly amused by you.

He says IT... "I've totally fallen for you..." or something like that...

He thinks you're beautiful and he tells you so, and leaves you feeling loved and cherished.

He brags about you to his family & friends. He's proud to show you off.

He runs out and buys fifty dollars worth of cold medicine if you so much as sneeze.

He takes you to romantic, out of the way restaurants and orders the best red wine he can afford.

When a crisis hits, he's right there by your side.

He wants to cuddle with and sweet talk you after sex.

A relationship with him gives you a feeling of peace and contentment, leaving you to enjoy other parts of your life without stress.

He takes an interest in your friends, hobbies and career.

He inspires you to be a better person.



He's a Tosser if:

After dating for almost a year, you tell him that you have feelings for him, and he dumps you a week later. Over the phone.

You lose your job, run out of money, and he still doesn't feel right about you moving in to get your act together, even for a month.

He gets a sudden stomach ache right before he's suppose to meet your parents.

He has a problem with certain colors, and refuses to go out with you if you dare show up wearing brown or pink. He doesn't compliment your clothing.

He never wants to share his food.

He has your weekend bags packed and waiting by the door, before you even finish brushing your teeth.

He'd rather you just grab a cab, if you don't mind. There's a lot of traffic at that hour.

He refuses to get excited about Valentine's day, because that was 'their' anniversary.

You don't hear much from him unless he wants to see you, and expects you to drop other plans just for him.

He needs a neck brace from twisting around after each hot babe who walks by.

He's never been the kind of guy who holds hands in public. It isn't cool.

You have no idea if he's even going to call you this weekend.

He reprimands or criticizes you in public, even in front of friends.

He changes the channel when anything romantic pops onto the TV screen.

He's stingy with his compliments, and leaves you feeling needy and sad.

He says he wants you all to himself. You haven't met his family or his friends.

He disappears when you get sick. He didn't want to catch anything, he says.

He takes you to the stage show at Chuckie Cheese, and tells you that they serve boxed wine, but doesn't offer to get you a glass.

When something horrible happens, you can't even find his shadow.

He's either searching for the remote or sound asleep after sex.

He forces you to constantly analyze the relationship, keeping you wondering what you're doing wrong.

You wind up doing only what he really wants to do.

He inspires you to buy stock in Advil.