Ways to Tell Your Cow Has Mad Cow Disease

1 Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.

2 Your cow thought Frank Bruno would beat Mike Tyson.

3 Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.

4 She refuses to let you milk her, saying: "Not on a first date."

5 You catch your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.

6 Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Archs Logo'.

7 Your cow appears on Oprah and Jerry Springer, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.

8 Your cow is wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.

9 Your cow quits the family dairy and applies for a job at Burger King.