1 Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.
2 Your cow thought Frank Bruno would beat Mike Tyson.
3 Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.
4 She refuses to let you milk her, saying: "Not on a first date."
5 You catch your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.
6 Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Archs Logo'.
7 Your cow appears on Oprah and Jerry Springer, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.
8 Your cow is wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.
9 Your cow quits the family dairy and applies for a job at Burger King.