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Insider's Guide To The Male Vocabulary


"Haven't I seen you before?" == "Nice ass."

"I'm a Romantic." == "I'm poor." {any guy who claims to be 'really romantic' likely already has a boyfriend of his own...}

"I need you" == "My hand is tired."

"I am different from all the other guys" == "I had an accident in The War."

"I want a commitment." == "I'm getting evicted on Friday."

"You're the only girl I've ever cared about" == "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me." {either that, or he just broke up with his last 'only love' a few days ago}

"I really want to get to know you better." == "So I can tell my friends about it." {yes ladies -- guys brag about their conquests, but you gals do too!}

"It's just orange juice, try it." == "3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head." {if she's a blonde, that's perfect!! }

"She's kinda cute." == "I want to have sex with her till I am blue." {that's an interesting comment ... do any particular parts turn blue regularly?? you might want to have a doctor look at that!!}

"I don't know if I like her" == "She won't sleep with me."

"I miss you so much" == "I am so horny that my male-roommate is starting to look good." {and the roommate works on a sheep farm, so my other options aren't very attractive...}

"Was it good for you?" == "I'm insecure about my manhood." {also called the 'did you notice??' response}

"How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?" == "Don't make jokes about Mr. Happy!!"

"I had a wonderful time last night." == "Who the hell are you?"

"Do you really love me?" == "I've done something stupid and you might find out." {oh, she'll find out guy ... trust me!! sooner or later, you're doomed...}

"I have something to tell you." == "Get tested." {I had a phriend who once picked up the phone to hear no sound other than someone clapping their hands next to the receiver. Shure enough, he had it -- the 'clap', that is. Whew -- that'll ruin your day!!}

"I'll give you a call." == "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again." {Guys, when you get that line, just go ahead and erase them from your address book...}

"I've been thinking a lot." == "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."

"I think we should just be friends." == "Your ugly." {Either that, or she's found someone else who hoists that Tent Pole of Love just a bit more robustly in the Carnival of Love ... if you get my drift. I'll betcha $10 that he's got a shaved head, and more tattoos than teeth; wanna bet?? }

"I've learned a lot from you." == "Next!!!!"

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