* If you did an error-free installation of Windows 2000.
* When your modem starts smoking.
* If no one can reach you by phone since your computer is always online.
* If you log-off your system because it's time to go to work.
* If you call in sick because you found a great new Website.
* If you can type your top 10 favorite Websites, by heart.
* If you can locate a particular home page without using a search engine.
* If you can write your own html.
* If you can access more than 20 erotic no-pay sites.
* If while reading a magazine, you look for the Zoom icon for a better look at a photograph.
* You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
* If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate web addresses.
* When someone tells you to remember something, and you look for File/Save command.
* When you discover there is no little car icon with a forward arrow on the dashboard of your car, to make it go.
* When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather Service Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window.
* When you start using phrases like: Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home
* If you have a heart attack when you forgot to pay your phone bill and receive a "pending disconnection of service" notice.
* When you order most of what you buy... online.
* If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.
* When you find yourself engaged to someone you've never actually met; except through e-mail.
* If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month connect time.
* When you add your third modem and dedicated phone line.
* You access Microsoft's Web page every Sunday morning for Brother Bill's sermon.
* When that 112Gb hard drive is full.
* If 700 Mhz is simply too slow.
* When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.
* If you have an "online" light installed on your car to tell you when the engine is running.
* When you discover that in order to drive your car somewhere, you do not enter an http:// or ftp:// address.
* If you can actually talk to the computers in your new car - and understand what they say.
* When you modify the programming of your car's computers and actually get better mileage.
* When you can access the Net - via your portable and cellular phone.
* If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.
* If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
* When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed to find it's on TV.
* If every sentence you utter begins with, "On the Net..."
* If you put your e-mail address in the upper left-hand corner of envelopes.
* If you have your e-mail address printed on your stationary.
* When you insist on seeing the movie "The Net" - for the 63rd time.
* When you have the movie "The Net" on CD-ROM.
* If magazines like "InterNetWorld" are of greater interest than "Playboy" or "Playgirl".
* If you maintain more than 6 e-mail addresses.
* If you use more than 20 passwords.
* If you setup your own Web page.
* If you setup a Web page for each of your kids... and your pets.
* If, instead of a phone number, you ask someone for their e-mail address.
* If you don't know anyone who DOESN'T have an e-mail addresses.
* If, to you, 'safe sex' means doing it online.
* If you convince your mom that she HAS to get online because e-mail is so much cheaper than long distance phone charges.
* If you can relate to one of the above.
* If you can relate to all the above.
* If you deny these relate to you.
* If you can write a list like this.