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You Know You're Too Serious About Computers...


* If you did an error-free installation of Windows 2000.

* When your modem starts smoking.

* If no one can reach you by phone since your computer is always online.

* If you log-off your system because it's time to go to work.

* If you call in sick because you found a great new Website.

* If you can type your top 10 favorite Websites, by heart.

* If you can locate a particular home page without using a search engine.

* If you can write your own html.

* If you can access more than 20 erotic no-pay sites.

* If while reading a magazine, you look for the Zoom icon for a better look at a photograph.

* You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.

* If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate web addresses.

* When someone tells you to remember something, and you look for File/Save command.

* When you discover there is no little car icon with a forward arrow on the dashboard of your car, to make it go.

* When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather Service Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window.

* When you start using phrases like: Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home

* If you have a heart attack when you forgot to pay your phone bill and receive a "pending disconnection of service" notice.

* When you order most of what you buy... online.

* If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.

* When you find yourself engaged to someone you've never actually met; except through e-mail.

* If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month connect time.

* When you add your third modem and dedicated phone line.

* You access Microsoft's Web page every Sunday morning for Brother Bill's sermon.

* When that 112Gb hard drive is full.

* If 700 Mhz is simply too slow.

* When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.

* If you have an "online" light installed on your car to tell you when the engine is running.

* When you discover that in order to drive your car somewhere, you do not enter an http:// or ftp:// address.

* If you can actually talk to the computers in your new car - and understand what they say.

* When you modify the programming of your car's computers and actually get better mileage.

* When you can access the Net - via your portable and cellular phone.

* If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.

* If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.

* When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed to find it's on TV.

* If every sentence you utter begins with, "On the Net..."

* If you put your e-mail address in the upper left-hand corner of envelopes.

* If you have your e-mail address printed on your stationary.

* When you insist on seeing the movie "The Net" - for the 63rd time.

* When you have the movie "The Net" on CD-ROM.

* If magazines like "InterNetWorld" are of greater interest than "Playboy" or "Playgirl".

* If you maintain more than 6 e-mail addresses.

* If you use more than 20 passwords.

* If you setup your own Web page.

* If you setup a Web page for each of your kids... and your pets.

* If, instead of a phone number, you ask someone for their e-mail address.

* If you don't know anyone who DOESN'T have an e-mail addresses.

* If, to you, 'safe sex' means doing it online.

* If you convince your mom that she HAS to get online because e-mail is so much cheaper than long distance phone charges.

* If you can relate to one of the above.

* If you can relate to all the above.

* If you deny these relate to you.

* If you can write a list like this.

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