The Last Supper would have been brunch.
The Beatitudes would start, "Fabulous are they..."
Jesus' triumphant entry into Jerusalem screams for a production number, with ostrich feather palm fronds and a large oyster shell instead of just a donkey.
The water at the wedding feast of Canaan would not have been changed to wine, but extra dry
Bombay Sapphire martinis with a touch of Curacao for color.
The temple would not only have been cleansed of moneychangers, but redecorated as well.
Mary's hair would have been Flawless.
The Gospels would be Mathew, Mark, Lance, and Bruce.
Priests would have torrid affairs with altar boys... wait.... Never mind.
Jesus would never wear white after Labor Day.
The Sermon on the Mount would have been a musical.