As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips:
o Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
o A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
o Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
o For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
o For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
o Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
o Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
o Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
o Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
o We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
o No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
o For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
o For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
o Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh vegetables, salads, quiche.
o 7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings.
o Great Dames for sale.
o Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
o Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
o 20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.
o Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
o Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
o If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
o Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
o The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
o Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
o Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
o Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
o Stock up and save. Limit: one.
o Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
o We build bodies that last a lifetime.
o Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.
o This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.
o For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
o For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
o Man, honest. Will take anything.
o Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
o Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
o Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
o Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
o Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
o Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.
o Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
o Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
o 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
o Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
o Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
o Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
o See ladies blouses. 50% off!
o Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.
o Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
o Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
o Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
o Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.
o Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
o And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
o We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.