Why Hanukkah is better than Christmas

10. There's no "Donny & Marie Hanukkah Special".

9. Eight days of presents (in theory, anyway).

8. No need to clean the chimney.

7. There's no latke-nog.

6. Burl Ives doesn't sing Hanukkah songs.

5. You won't be pressured to buy Hanukkah Seals.

4. You won't see, "You're a Putz, Charlie Brown."

3. No barking dog version of "I had a Little Driedl."

2. No pine needles to vacuum up afterwards.

1. Blintzes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.