1. At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it.
2. Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table.
3. Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.
4. Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.
5. Repeat every third third word you say say.
6. Give your claim to fame as being voted "Most obnoxious" for your high school yearbook.
7. Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.
8. Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.
9. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms
outstretched, and make airplane sounds.
10. Order a bucket of lard.
11. Ask for crayons to color the place mat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.
12. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking.
13. When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.
14. Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do. Or, eat leftover food from other tables.
16. Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full and spray crumbs.
17. Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you.
18. Excuse yourself to use the rest room. Go back to the head waiter/hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you, ask him/her, "What took you so long in the rest room???"
19. Recite limericks to the people at the table next to you.
20. Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.
21. Beg your date to tattoo your name on his/her body.