Signs you are on a bad honeymoon


It's a beautiful time of year in the Bahamas. . . but it's a bad time of month in your wife's pants.

She keeps saying, "This never happened on any of my OTHER honeymoons!"

She tells you that she'd like to remain a virgin.

She starts referring to you as "plaintiff".

You carry her over the threshold. She calls the paramedics for your hernia.

She announces that she now wants to "play for the other team".

She says she's so glad to have met "Mr. Right". . . a few minutes ago in the hotel lobby.

She asks you to go get batteries for her vibrator.

She tells you that maybe it's time to start seeing other people.

Your airline ticket is a round-trip. . . hers is one way.

She tells you that you she needs to check in with her pimp.

She asks a lot of questions about your life insurance policy.

On the second day, she talks about "needing her own space".

As soon as you get in the room she says, "Not tonight, I have a headache".

You're in sunny Acapulco. . . but she's in Maui with the best man.

Everything you wanna do has one of those annoying, "Not recommended for pregnant women" warnings.