1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
3. Birthdays, Valentines' Day and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present, again!
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. Get rid of your cat. No, it's not different. It's just like every other cat.
7. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
8. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad probably is too.
9. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
10. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
11. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
12. A headache that lasts 7 months is a problem. See a doctor.
13. Your mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
14. Have the oil checked.
15. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take "the quiz" from Cosmo together.
16. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 24 hours.
17. If you don't like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
18. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
19. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
20. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both.
21. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
22. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
23. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and its not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
24. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
25. Anyone can buy condoms.