Scary Stories - Twist in the Tale Series

No Smoking

"Excuse mesir, but can't you read the signs? I'm afraid you're not allowedto smoke in here."

"Course I can read the signs, I'm not illiterate. I don'tknow - everybody seems to be nagging me today. I had a bellyfulfrom my wife this morning: "You shouldn't smoke dear, it'sbad for your health, blah, blah, blah..." Then the kidsjoined in, "That's right dad, you shouldn't smoke, blah,blah, blah..." now you."

"Yes, I'm sorry sir, but..."

"My doctor, he's the same. Always telling me to give it up.What do doctors know, tell me that? Think you can just snap yourfingers and stop just like that..."

"But..."

"Well, let me tell you, you can't. It's not that easy. I'vebeen smoking a long time and it's never done me any harm."

"I'm sure, sir, but there's others to consider."

"Others? Others! What others? Have you complained? Have you?How about you? No. What's a little bit of smoke, eh? Never didanybody any harm, did it?"

"That's all very well, sir, but I have to tell you there's ano smoking policy in this building and I really must ask you..."

"Policy, policy! It's coming to something when a chap can'tjust smoke in peace without some jumped up..."

"Now look sir, I really must insist..."

"Oh, you must insist, must you? Just who do you think youare?"

"Please sir, we don't want any trouble."

"Trouble! Trouble? I'm only smoking, what's wrong with that?"

"Come along sir, but I'm only doing my job. Now, if youreally must persist in smoking, I'm going to have to get someassistance and have you removed."

"Oh, You're going to throw me out, are you? We'll just seeabout that."

"I'm sorry sir..."

"Sir?"

"Sir!"

"Oh my god!"

"Quick, someone, get some help!"

"This is really too much! Really - first he sits therecalmly smoking - then he bursts into flames!"

"Come on, somebody help me. Get an extinguisher before heburns the whole place down."