The Crawling Chaos

Of the pleasuresand pains of opium much has been written. The ecstasies and
horrors of De Quincey and the paradis artificiels of Baudelaireare preserved
and interpreted with an art which makes them immortal, and theworld knows well
the beauty, the terror and the mystery of those obscure realmsinto which the
inspired dreamer is transported. But much as has been told, noman has yet dared
intimate the nature of the phantasms thus unfolded to the mind,or hint at the
direction of the unheard-of roads along whose ornate and exoticcourse the
partaker of the drug is so irresistibly borne. De Quincey wasdrawn back into
Asia, that teeming land of nebulous shadows whose hideousantiquity is so
impressive that "the vast age of the race and nameoverpowers the sense of youth
in the individual," but farther than that he dared not go.Those who have gone
farther seldom returned, and even when they have, they have beeneither silent
or quite mad. I took opium but once -- in the year of the plague,when doctors
sought to deaden the agonies they could not cure. There was anoverdose -- my
physician was worn out with horror and exertion -- and Itravelled very far
indeed. In the end I returned and lived, but my nights are filledwith strange
memories, nor have I ever permitted a doctor to give me opiumagain.
The pain and pounding in my head had been quite unendurable whenthe drug
was administered, Of the future I had no heed; to escape, whetherby cure,
unconsciousness, or death, was all that concerned me. I waspartly delirious, so
that it is hard to place the exact moment of transition, but Ithink the effect
must have begun shortly before the pounding ceased to be painful.As I have
said, there was an overdose; so my reactions were probably farfrom normal. The
sensation of falling, curiously dissociated from the idea ofgravity or
direction, was paramount; though there was subsidiary impressionof unseen
throngs in incalculable profusion, throngs of infinitely di-versenature, but
all more or less related to me. Sometimes it seemed less asthough I were
falling, than as though the universe or the ages were fallingpast me. Suddenly
my pain ceased, and I began to associate the pounding with anexternal rather
than internal force. The falling had ceased also, giving place toa sensation of
uneasy, temporary rest; and when I listened closely, I fanciedthe pounding was
that of the vast, inscrutable sea as its sinister, colossalbreakers lacerated
some desolate shore after a storm of titanic magnitude. Then Iopened my eyes.
For a moment my surroundings seemed confused, like a projectedimage
hopelessly out of focus, but gradually I realised my solitarypresence in a
strange and beautiful room lighted by many windows. Of the exactnature of the
apartment I could form no idea, for my thoughts were still farfrom settled, but
I noticed van-coloured rugs and draperies, elaborately fashionedtables, chairs,
ottomans, and divans, and delicate vases and ornaments whichconveyed a
suggestion of the exotic without being actually alien. Thesethings I noticed,
yet they were not long uppermost in my mind. Slowly butinexorably crawling upon
my consciousness and rising above every other impression, came adizzying fear
of the unknown; a fear all the greater because I could notanalyse it, and
seeming to concern a stealthily approaching menace; not death,but some
nameless, unheard-of thing inexpressibly more ghastly andabhorrent.
Presently I realised that the direct symbol and excitant of myfear was the
hideous pounding whose incessant reverberations throbbedmaddeningly against my
exhausted brain. It seemed to come from a point outside and belowthe edifice in
which I stood, and to associate itself with the most terrifyingmental images. I
felt that some horrible scene or object lurked beyond the silk-hungwalls, and
shrank from glancing through the arched, latticed windows thatopened so
bewilderingly on every hand. Perceiving shutters attached tothese windows, I
closed them all, averting my eyes from the exterior as I did so.Then, employing
a flint and steel which I found on one of the small tables, I litthe many
candles reposing about the walls in arabesque sconces. The addedsense of
security brought by closed shutters and artificial light calmedmy nerves to
some degree, but I could not shut out the monotonous pounding.Now that I was
calmer, the sound became as fascinating as it was fearful, and Ifelt a
contradictory desire to seek out its source despite my stillpowerful shrinking.
Opening a portiere at the side of the room nearest the pounding,I beheld a
small and richly draped corridor ending in a cavern door andlarge oriel window.
To this window I was irresistibly drawn, though my ill-definedapprehensions
seemed almost equally bent on holding me back. As I approached itI could see a
chaotic whirl of waters in the distance. Then, as I attained itand glanced out
on all sides, the stupendous picture of my surroundings burstupon me with full
and devastating force.
I beheld such a sight as I had never beheld before, and which noliving
person can have seen save in the delirium of fever or the infernoof opium. The
building stood on a narrow point of land -- or what was now anarrow point of
land -- fully three hundred feet above what must lately have beena seething
vortex of mad waters. On either side of the house there fell anewly washed-out
precipice of red earth, whilst ahead of me the hideous waves werestill rolling
in frightfully, eating away the land with ghastly monotony anddeliberation. Out
a mile or more there rose and fell menacing breakers at leastfifty feet in
height, and on the far horizon ghoulish black clouds of grotesquecontour were
resting and brooding like unwholesome vultures. The waves weredark and
purplish, almost black, and clutched at the yielding red mud ofthe bank as if
with uncouth, greedy hands. I could not but feel that somenoxious marine mind
had declared a war of extermination upon all the solid ground,perhaps abetted
by the angry sky.
Recovering at length from the stupor into which this unnaturalspectacle had
thrown me, I realized that my actual physical danger was acute.Even whilst I
gazed, the bank had lost many feet, and it could not be longbefore the house
would fall undermined into the awful pit of lashing waves.Accordingly I
hastened to the opposite side of the edifice, and finding a door,emerged at
once, locking it after me with a curious key which had hunginside. I now beheld
more of the strange region about me, and marked a singulardivision which seemed
to exist in the hostile ocean and firmament. On each side of thejutting
promontory different conditions held sway. At my left as I facedinland was a
gently heaving sea with great green waves rolling peacefully inunder a brightly
shining sun. Something about that sun’s nature and positionmade me shudder, but
I could not then tell, and cannot tell now, what it was. At myright also was
the sea, but it was blue, calm, and only gently undulating, whilethe sky above
it was darker and the washed-out bank more nearly white thanreddish.
I now turned my attention to the land, and found occasion forfresh
surprise; for the vegetation resembled nothing I had ever seen orread about. It
was apparently tropical or at least sub-tropical -- a conclusionborne out by
the intense heat of the air. Sometimes I thought I could tracestrange analogies
with the flora of my native land, fancying that the well-knownplants and shrubs
might assume such forms under a radical change of climate; butthe gigantic and
omnipresent palm trees were plainly foreign. The house I had justleft was very
small -- hardly more than a cottage -- but its material wasevidently marble,
and its architecture was weird and composite, involving a quaintfusion of
Western and Eastern forms. At the corners were Corinthiancolumns, but the red
tile roof was like that of a Chinese pagoda. From the door inlandthere
stretched a path of singularly white sand, about four feet wide,and lined on
either side with stately palms and unidentifiable floweringshrubs and plants.
It lay toward the side of the promontory where the sea was blueand the bank
rather whitish. Down this path I felt impelled to flee, as ifpursued by some
malignant spirit from the pounding ocean. At first it wasslightly uphill, then
I reached a gentle crest. Behind me I saw the scene I had left;the entire point
with the cottage and the black water, with the green sea on oneside and the
blue sea on the other, and a curse unnamed and unnamable loweringover all. I
never saw it again, and often wonder.... After this last look Istrode ahead and
surveyed the inland panorama before me.
The path, as I have intimated, ran along the right-hand shore asone went
inland. Ahead and to the left I now viewed a magnificent valleycomprising
thousands of acres, and covered with a swaying growth of tropicalgrass higher
than my head. Almost at the limit of vision was a colossal palmtree which
seemed to fascinate and beckon me. By this time wonder and’escape from the
imperilled peninsula had largely dissipated my fear, but as Ipaused and sank
fatigued to the path, idiy digging with my hands into the warm,whitish-golden
sand, a new and acute sense of danger seized me. Some terror inthe swishing
tall grass seemed added to that of the diabolically pounding sea,and I started
up crying aloud and disjointedly, "Tiger? Tiger? Is itTiger? Beast? Beast? Is
it a Beast that I am afraid of?" My mind wandered back to anancient and
classical story of tigers which I had read; I strove to recallthe author, but
had difficulty. Then in the midst of my fear I remembered thatthe tale was by
Rudyard Kipling; nor did the grotesqueness of deeming him anancient author
occur to me; I wished for the volume containing this story, andhad almost
started back toward the doomed cottage to procure it when mybetter sense and
the lure of the palm prevented me.
Whether or not I could have resisted the backward beckoningwithout the
counter-fascination of the vast palm tree, I do not know. Thisattraction was
now dominant, and I left the path and crawled on hands and kneesdown the
valley’s slope despite my fear of the grass and of theserpents it might
contain. I resolved to fight for life and reason as long aspossible against all
menaces of sea or land, though I sometimes feared defeat as themaddening swish
of the uncanny grasses joined the still audible and irritatingpounding of the
distant breakers. I would frequently pause and put my hands to myears for
relief, but could never quite shut out the detestable sound. Itwas, as it
seemed to me, only after ages that I finally dragged myself tothe beckoning
palm tree and lay quiet beneath its protecting shade.
There now ensued a series of incidents which transported me tothe opposite
extremes of ecstasy and horror; incidents which I tremble torecall and dare not
seek to interpret. No sooner had I crawled beneath theoverhanging foliage of
the palm, than there dropped from its branches a young child ofsuch beauty as I
never beheld before. Though ragged and dusty, this being bore thefeatures of a
faun or demigod, and seemed almost to diffuse a radiance in thedense shadow of
the tree. It smiled and extended its hand, but before I couldarise and speak I
heard in the upper air the exquisite melody of singing; noteshigh and low blent
with a sublime and ethereal harmoniousness. The sun had by thistime sunk below
the horizon, and in the twilight I saw an aureole of lambentlight encircled the
child’s head. Then in a tone of silver it addressed me:“It is the end. They
have come down through the gloaming from the stars. Now all isover, and beyond
the Arinurian streams we shall dwell blissfully in Teloe.”As the child spoke, I
beheld a soft radiance through the leaves of the palm tree, andrising, greeted
a pair whom I knew to be the chief singers among those I hadheard. A god and
goddess they must have been, for such beauty is not mortal; andthey took my
hands, saying, “Come, child, you have heard the voices, andall is well. In
Teloe beyond the Milky Way and the Arinurian streams are citiesall of amber and
chalcedony. And upon their domes of many facets glisten theimages of strange
and beautiful stars. Under the ivory bridges of Teloe flow riversof liquid gold
bearing pleasure-barges bound for blossomy Cytharion of the SevenSuns. And in
Teloe and Cytharion abide only youth, beauty, and pleasure, norare any sounds
heard, save of laughter, song, and the lute. Only the gods dwellin Teloe of the
golden rivers, but among them shalt thou dwell.”
As I listened, enchanted, I suddenly became aware of a change inmy
surroundings. The palm tree, so lately overshadowing my exhaustedform, was now
some distance to my left and considerably below me. I wasobviously floating in
the atmosphere; companioned not only by the strange child and theradiant pair,
but by a constantly increasing throng of half-luminous, vine-crownedyouths and
maidens with wind-blown hair and joyful countenance. We slowlyascended
together, as if borne on a fragrant breeze which blew not fromthe earth but
from the golden nebulae, and the child whispered in my ear that Imust look
always upward to the pathways of light, and never backward to thesphere I had
just left. The youths and maidens now chanted mellifluouschoriambics to the
accompaniment of lutes, and I felt enveloped in a peace andhappiness more
profound than any I had in life imagined, when the intrusion of asingle sound
altered my destiny and shattered my soul. Through the ravishingstrains of the
singers and the lutanists, as if in mocking, daemoniac concord,throbbed from
gulfs below the damnable, the detestable pounding of that hideousocean. As
those black breakers beat their message into my ears I forgot thewords of the
child and looked back, down upon the doomed scene from which Ithought I had
escaped.
Down through the aether I saw the accursed earth slowly turning,ever
turning, with angry and tempestuous seas gnawing at wild desolateshores and
dashing foam against the tottering towers of deserted cities. Andunder a
ghastly moon there gleamed sights I can never describe, sights Ican never
forget; deserts of corpselike clay and jungles of ruin anddecadence where once
stretched the populous plains and villages of my native land, andmaelstroms of
frothing ocean where once rose the mighty temples of myforefathers. Mound the
northern pole steamed a morass of noisome growths and miasmalvapours, hissing
before the onslaught of the ever-mounting waves that curled andfretted from the
shuddering deep. Then a rending report dave the night, andathwart the desert of
deserts appeared a smoking rift. Still the black ocean foamed andgnawed, eating
away the desert on either side as the rift in the center widenedand widened.
There was now no land left but the desert, and still the fumingocean ate
and ate. All at once I thought even the pounding sea seemedafraid of something,
afraid of dark gods of the inner earth that are greater than theevil god of
waters, but even if it was it could not turn back; and the deserthad suffered
too much from those nightmare waves to help them now. So theocean ate the last
of the land and poured into the smoking gulf, thereby giving upall it had ever
conquered. From the new-flooded lands it flowed again, uncoveringdeath and
decay; and from its ancient and immemorial bed it trickledloathsomely,
uncovering nighted secrets of the years when Time was young andthe gods unborn.
Above the waves rose weedy remembered spires. The moon laid palelilies of light
on dead London, and Paris stood up from its damp grave to besanctified with
star-dust. Then rose spires and monoliths that were weedy but notremembered;
terrible spires and monoliths of lands that men never knew werelands.
There was not any pounding now, but only the unearthly roaringand hissing
of waters tumbling into the rift. The smoke of that rift hadchanged to steam,
and almost hid the world as it grew denser and denser. It searedmy face and
hands, and when I looked to see how it affected my companions Ifound they had
all disappeared. Then very suddenly it ended, and I knew no moretill I awaked
upon a bed of convalescence. As the cloud of steam from thePlutonic gulf
finally concealed the entire surface from my sight, all thefirmament shrieked
at a sudden agony of mad reverberations which shook the tremblingaether. In one
delirious flash and burst it happened; one blinding, deafeningholocaust of
fire, smoke, and thunder that dissolved the wan moon as it spedoutward to the
void.
And when the smoke cleared away, and I sought to look upon theearth, I
beheld against the background of cold, humorous stars only thedying sun and the
pale mournful planets searching for their sister.