Getting over Grief

There will come a point in everyone’s life that we will grieve over the loss of a loved one. I lost my mother when I was 19 years old. Nothing prepared me for the overwhelming grief I felt over losing her. The first thing I felt when she died was the emptiness in my heart. It felt strange that she was no longer with us. I walked around the house with this numbness and shock for a week.

That is one stage of grieving. The other stages are:
Disorganization: At this stage you will feel lonely, depressed, and tearful. You may not feel like eating or sleeping.

Re-organization: Putting the pieces back in your life where you come to accept and be at peace over the death.

But, along with grief comes a flood of other emotions. Other emotions people will feel following the death of a loved one include:

Disbelief or denial: Especially if the death was sudden and unexpected.

Anger: You feel angry towards the person who died for leaving you with such a burden or angry towards others who do not feel your pain.

Guilt: I felt guilty following my mother’s death. We never had the greatest relationship when I was growing up but we started to mend it when she got sick. But I felt it wasn’t completely resolved. There are a lot of “only ifs” that come out following the death of a loved one.

Fear: It is not uncommon to think of your own mortality following the death of someone close to us. I experienced this, where I took every ache, pain, and cold as a sign that I was going to die.

The most important thing you can do for yourself following a death of a loved one is to take care of yourself. Eating properly, getting enough sleep and exercise. It may be hard but it will help reduce the mental stress.

Time doesn’t heal all wounds as one would think. The pain of the loss can still be with you even after a number of years have passed. John W. James and Frank Cherry, authors of “The Grief Recovery Handbook”, writes about five quick steps that will you move beyond the lost:

Gain awareness: being aware that you still feel this way.

Accept responsibility: being able to accept that you are also to blame for continuing the way you feel.

Defined recovery communications: Finding a way to talk about how we feel. Talk to friends and family about your grief. It is not good to bottle up your emotions. Maybe join a support group or talk to a professional counsellor.

Take action. To help overcome the feeling of loss, try writing a letter to your departed loved one. Write all the things you wanted to tell them before they died. It may provide the closure you need.

Moving beyond these feelings and getting on with life. By doing so, you also gain more awareness.

I’m 25 years old now. It will be the seventh anniversary of my mother’s death this November. I still feel her loss on some days but I moved beyond this loss and so will everyone else. It’s up to you when that will happen.