201 Funny Insults
Random Funny Insults
201 Funny Insults, Mean Insults, Rude Insults and more....
You are the only genius on Yensa with an IQ of 60.
You are living proof that a human can live without a brain!
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
We found that brains aren't everything needed in a human being. In fact in your case they're nothing.
I don't really think you are a big fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.
You are the kind of human that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
You are not that stupid; you are probably possessed by a retarded ghost.
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
I could make a monkey out of you.
I surely don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
I bet your mother has a loud bark.
If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.
Please Keep on talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
I could have cured you but there is no vaccine against stupidity. Not yet anyway.
Good Funny InsultsI remember you. You're the one who got beat up by a 10 year old.
You may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. You really are an idiot.
I discovered that your mind is so open that ideas simply pass through it.
You have a very sharp tongue but it does not mean you have a keen mind.
You don't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again you don't know the meaning of most words.
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
I have realised that calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. If you feel I am wrong then Go ahead, tell me everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds. You have a mind like a steel trap - always closed.
I learnt from your replies that the only place you're ever invited is outside. I learnt that you were actually born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
I also learnt from your replies that you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you. And that you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
You are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
I'll never forget the first time we met although I'll keep trying. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
You've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't.
They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none. People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals. Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get. Nobody says that you are dumb on your face. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.
Jesus just phoned. He hates you after all because You look like a dwarf who's been dipped in a bucket of pubic hair. And, because Your face is filled with broken Commandments. But, Nature played a cruel trick on you - you lived. You are living proof that aborigines screw kangaroos.
On a different note You look like a million dollars - all green and wrinkly. Right now I'm sitting here looking at you trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass. Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I don't wanna be mean, but you need listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole friggin bottle.
I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.
I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me. Your test results reveal that you're a self-made person. It's awfully nice of you to take the blame. The results also reveal that you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be.
People come and people go...and the sooner you're gone, the better.
Really Funny InsultsTo be honest I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. I'd also love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
Like a death at a birthday party, you ruin all the fun. Like a sucked and spat out smartie, you're no use to anyone. So stay away from all mankind from now on.
I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.
You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you. We know that romance brings out the beast in you - the jackass.
I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. All of your lovers kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could. I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.
Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick. We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.
You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it. I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin. No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.
You're red shirt goes well with your eyes. Folk clap when they see you but they clap their hands over their eyes. Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!
You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face. You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!
I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. I also heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college. I Also heard that you were a Killer. They take one look at you and die of shock.
Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma. You started at the bottom from the beginning of this personality test and it's been downhill ever since!
I fart to make you smell better. I may be fat but you're really ugly, and I can lose weight. If you want to get laid, crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
It's people like you that make people turn gay. It's time to pull over and change the air in your head.
You're the reason God created the middle finger. You are a loser. I am a god. Any questions? Your ridiculous little opinion will be noted.
Your village just called. They're missing an idiot. You are depriving some poor village of its Idiot. You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
Your Momma is so ugly that when she walks past the bathroom the toilet flushes itself. If I had a dog as ugly as you i would shave its butt and teach it to walk backwards.
Save your breath. You need it to scare your date. All of your complaining is making me feel life is worth living.
Calling you ugly would make the hideous people cute. People would love to have a hunting license when they see you. If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents! Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you. At least there's one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly as your face. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?
People like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them. You are top of the world and you know what sad shape the world is in. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?
Rude Funny InsultsYou will be known as a miracle comic. if you are funny, it's a miracle!
You are so short, when it rains you are always the last one to know.
I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'
Now, Now, Don't get mad. Sit down and give your mind a rest.
Please don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own.
Don't ever get lost in thought - it's an unfamiliar territory.
Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Don't think too much, it may sprain your brain!
Support your local Search & Rescue Unit - get lost!
People like you are the reason I'm on medication.
Don't piss me off again by taking this test as I'm running out of places to hide from you.
Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?
I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!
When you come into a room, the mice jump on the chairs.
You have an insipid double chin, your legs are too short, and you have a slight potbelly.
I am happy to know you love 'NATURE' - In spite of what it did to you.
Based on your clothing choices I would like to ask you Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
I don't want you to turn the other cheek - it's just as ugly.
I have a small request to make to you. Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on a holiday.
I now realised what dark and handsome means. It means When it's dark, you are handsome.
Don't you need a license to be that ugly? Every person has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!
Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
Mean Funny InsultsIt was nice of you to come. When are you leaving Yensa for good?
Are your parents siblings?
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?
Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?
Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
I'm a human being! What are you?
How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.
Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.
All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?
100,000 sperms and You were the fastest?
And your cry-baby whiny assed opinion would be?
Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Did you take a shit today? Well, put it back!
How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!
How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty.
How would you like to feel the way you look?
I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?
If I throw a stick, will you go away?
How many times do I have to flush to get rid of you?
Have you ever considered becoming a missing person?
If I give you a going away present, will you do your part?
Why don't you stick your head out the window - feet first?
You know what I like about your face? Me neither.
Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happen to you?
Is that a wart on your tongue, or did you bring your mom along for this personality test report?
I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!
I know deep down that Someday you'll go too far and I sincerely hope you stay there.
It was really nice hearing from you. Next time, just send a postcard. If you ever need me again, please hesitate to call.
Very Funny InsultsYou are two rungs short of a ladder.
You are three French fries short of a happy meal.
You are ten brick short of a wall.
You couldn't find water in a bucket!
You couldn't find Scotland with a compass.
You're not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
You're few clowns short of a circus.
You're a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.
You are an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
Your wheel is spinning, but the hamster's dead.
Your porch light's on, but nobody's home.
You doesn't have all your cornflakes in one box.
You are all foam and no beer.
You are a few peas short of a casserole.
The cheese has slid off your cracker.
You're as smart as bait but less attractive.
You are a few beers short of a six-pack.
You don't have all your dogs on the one leash.
You don't know much but top the league in nostril hair.
You're a few feathers short of a whole duck.
Your elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.
You are Dumber than a box of hair.
You are a few peas short of a casserole.
You are One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl and One taco short of a combination plate.
You are all foam, no beer. Your sewing machine's out of thread.
Your antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
If you had another brain, it would be lonely.
You are 24 cents short of a quarter.
You are Living Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Why don't you do us all a favour; pull your lip over your head, and swallow!!
You're so stupid that you can't get from A to B without going through the rest of the alphabet!
Yo' Mama Funny InsultsYo momma's so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo momma's so ugly, she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo momma's so ugly, they push her face into dough to make cookies.
Yo momma's so ugly, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
Yo momma's so ugly, they didn't give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.
Yo momma's so ugly, instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo momma's so ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo momma's so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo momma's so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
Yo momma's so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo momma's so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo momma's so ugly, she made an onion cry.
Yo momma's so ugly, when she went to the beautician it took 12 hours...for a quote!
Yo momma's so ugly, when she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out!
Yo momma's so ugly, even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo momma's so ugly, on Halloween the kids trick or treat her by phone!
Yo momma's so ugly, she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo momma's so ugly, people go as her to Halloween parties.
Yo momma's so ugly, I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo momma's so ugly, that your father takes her to work so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo momma's so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
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© Savio DSilva.